Prayer Request

I have a few prayer requests that if you take the time to read this blog, please take a moment to pray for my family. My dad has pre-cancer cells on his face and is currently going through a process to have them taken care of, but it's hard on him. Please pray for him, and that it gets all taken care of. Also, please pray for my mom's mother. We just found out on Monday that she has uterine cancer. They are going in for more tests to see how bad it is and what not, but please prayer for her.

I really appreciate the prayers. Thank you.

Parts to the Plan

Well I'm back in Iowa for now. I'm am going to be helping out at Life Church in Iowa City as much as possible. I am also enrolling Kirkwood Community College as well do their Pre-Business Transfer program with a plan of transferring to the University of Iowa next fall to study Marketing. Not sure how I'm going to, but I want to move to Iowa City soon, I'm currently living back home with my parents for now in North English.

Currently I am working with my Grandpa doing random odd jobs and I love it. The work is fun, and pays well, but it's not consistent which makes things hard. I may work one day, then not the next. I have a lot of time, and am finding it a constant struggle to keep on task and keep my eyes on my dreams. Not a lot of people dream in North English, and it's kind of hard to not get pulled down by that lack. I'm just trying to keep my head up and eyes ahead, and not get pulled away from what I know is right.

Attitude

I've not had the best attitude lately. I always used to have a great attitude about things. I guess this is God bringing more junk to the surface and helping me get rid of things. I continue to press in and try to have a good attitude. For those around me I apologize for the bad attitude I've had. I know it effects the people around me.

Amazing Week!

This week has been amazing! God has really been showing me a lot. We had some intense nights, intense prayer, intense worship, and intense growth. A few things God has been growing me in is learning to apply as much stuff to my life that I can, from the things I learn. I have been reading a lot, and also been getting poured into from others a lot as well. I want to apply as much of these things to my life as I can to make me the best me.

One of the first things that God is teaching me, which has been a lesson throughout the year here at MC, is to love people better. I just read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It is an amazing book, and helped me learn how to love people more effectively, and to love them in a way they will receive it best.

Another thing God has been revealing to me is my pride. I'm a very proud person. This can be a good thing, but not necessarily. I am very proud and need to change it. I am trying to "take up my cross daily" and die to myself more everyday to become more Christlike. With pride causes me to be very cynical of others around me. I'm not a big fan of Christians, therefore I judge Christians a lot, and criticize what they do, but I'll go into that more another day. If I sit back, hold my comments, and think then I really see that their heart for people is great, but the actions just wouldn't reach me, and even if they wouldn't reach me, that doesn't mean that that they won't reach others. I hope other people don't judge me the way I judge them, this is why I'm working to change and conquer my thoughts. Not only am I trying to conquer my pride, and cynicism in my thoughts, but my destructive thinking about others and myself. I don't always have the most optimistic outlook on things, and am working to change that to be a better me.

Current Struggles

I always try to be as transparent as possible and let people know how I feel about something, or what I think about situations, so here is me being me! Currently I'm a little stressed! Not that I can't handle what's on my plate, but just feels like a lot right now. I know I'll make it and do great, 'cuz God won't put me in a situation he won't take me through!

My biggest struggle currently is figuring out who I really am, which I'm finding more and more about the real me everyday. I don't know if it all makes sense, but I don't always feel like I know me, and it's quite frustrating. I want to be consistent and be the person God wants me to be. I don't want to be the things that frustrate me in others, but don't want that to define me either.

This is a really random and bad post. I don't really understand all of this right now either, but this is what is on my mind.

Thankful for the Rain

Today was a storm! It rained for the most of the day, and I ran in it tonight. During the run I was thinking about the past week or so, and how rough it has been. It has been the hardest week of Masters so far. A lot has been going on, and it has hit me hard. I have complained, and struggled, and well not given my best through it all. During the run I remembered the song Frontline sings about being thankful for the rain, and struggles we go through. I realize that this rough patch is only going to build me up bigger than ever before. I realize that I am only going through this because something big is coming, and I need to be prepared for it. I realize that the storm will keep coming, but my perspective needs to be fixed, and I will succeed and thrive bigger than before. Are you going through a tough time? Are you feeling sorry for yourself like me? I challenge you to lift it up to God, and choose to have a better attitude about what is going on!

A Learning Experience

MC really challenges me. I love it here as I have learned so much already. I'm loving Restore the best. Restore is our street evangelism program in which we go to neighborhoods and want to restore them from the problems they currently have. Last week at Restore I walked past a pimped out SUV with a 20 something guy in the drivers seat. A teenage boy got out of the backseat of the car with a unique grin on his face. I happened to look through the windshield and see a girl sitting in the back. I may be quick to judge, which I try not to do, but I think the man driving was a Pimp, the girl in the backseat was a hooker, and the boy getting out just made a deal. This situation saddens me. First all the little kids running right next to these cars could see it, sad that this woman has turned to sex for money, sad that the Pimp makes his money off of taking advantage of poor women and horny kids, and sad that this kid in the back has turned to sex for some sort of fulfillment. These situations make me happy to help at restore and to show the little kids that they don't need that junk that is around them. To show love to them, that maybe no one else does and that they can be whatever they want to be. 'cuz what little kid dreams of being a pimp or hooker. I want these kids to achieve these dreams and to teach them to dream even when their situation may not be the best.

thoughts of a 19 year old single christian male

Life is not easy for anyone, those who say it is easy for are not telling the truth. A disclaimer on this post is that I'm not trying to complain or say life is harder for me. I'm just throwing it out there. Which I don't know why I am putting this disclaimer on here, 'cuz I really don't like disclaimers, but here it goes.

God has placed a LOT of beautiful and wonderful women on this Earth! This can also make things difficult in this day in age.

As a teenage guy (and just as a guy in general), I see girls and it is hard to fight back the lustful thoughts, but I do my best and pray for strength through it. Why do I try not to think these things, well multiple reasons. First because the Lord my God told me not to and I love him so much that I don't want to. Second, I think women deserve more respect than given, and should not just be looked at and lusted over as a piece of property. Third, I love my future wife (no idea who she is yet) so much that I don't want to even think about other women in such a matter. This list goes on, but I'll stop there.

It saddens me that so many teenagers have sex. I once did a paper about teenage sex, and did some researching. I found that 4 out of every 5 teens have sex. This is sad. This makes it no surprise how sexual tv and advertising has gotten. I know that I don't know how good it feels, or whatever, but I know that more happens during sex than just something that feels physically good. I know that a part of you becomes a part of the other person, no matter how young or many times they've done it. This is why I don't want to give a part of me in this way to anyone, but my future wife.

I have found a lot of awesome and very beautiful Christian girls. It never fails that after I meet them, one of the first things I do, is pray and say "God is she the one?" This happens to me all the time. I'm not asking anymore. I'm asking God help me find the one. I know I'm 19, and definitely not ready to get married, but when I find a girl that I even want to date, one of the first things I will ask myself is if I can marry her. This may sound funny to well, everyone, but it's not a joke. I don't want to mess around with the lets just have a good time while we're young attitude, as I only get one life here, and I want to spend it with the right woman.

Another note to this post is that I'm not over stressed thinking about this, or even really looking, it's just some more random thoughts that have gone through my head this last week, and felt like sharing.

Party

Saturday night I went to a party in New Sharon. There was a lot of drinking going on. Primarily underage drinking. I did not drink, as I have gone down that path, and know it hurts my relationship with Christ. I still went to hang out with friends, and did a little babysitting as well. At the party I encountered many strange, tough, and some down right funny situations.

I drove a car of friends to the party. On the way there I said "I hope I know more people than just you guys at the party". As soon as I got out of the car on the gravel road I saw a car of people driving past me, and they yelled "ADAM!" From this point on I knew I would have some friends at the party.

Later at the party I was just standing around talking when a girl walked up and bit me on the neck. I was completely thrown off by this and backed away and asked what the heck she was doing, but by this point she was to the next guy biting his neck. I'm glad she didn't get me very good as that would be quite embarrassing for me.

Later I was talking to the girl that bit me and she knows I'm a Follower of Christ. I don't think she understands what that really entails, which saddens me that people don't understand the concept of being a follower of Jesus. She is a Catholic girl, and kept making it a point to tell me she goes to church every Sunday, except when she parties she goes on Saturday nights, so she doesn't have to wake-up early on Sunday morning. I finally asked her why she enjoys going to church, and she told me it makes her feel good having gone and sitting there and doing the "Jesus thing". This absolutely pisses me off. Not what she said, but that she can be consistent to church and still not hear to Love and Truth of Jesus. She said to me "I heard drinking is a sin" as she took a pull of UV Blue. I explained to her that drinking while of age is not a sin, but underage drinking and getting drunk is a sin. She then with a sad look on her face said "Do you think God will forgive me if I go to confession and church next week?" It is my prayer that people like this will learn to repent and that there is more to life than parties, and getting drunk. I also make it my prayer that the church does not condemn them for drinking, but loves them for who they are, as transformation cannot happen until Christ is in there life.

As I was the one to drive the car, I kept the keys which meant I had to continually go back and forth to the car for them to get their alcohol out of the car. One time when we went to the car one of my friends said "Adam help me I made out with that kid and he won't leave me alone now". This made an awkward situation I do not condone what she did, but I felt the need to help her. I then just kept my arm around her for a while to make the guy think we were "together" and he just kept calling her cell phone, but wouldn't come talk to her, so I did my part.

Later the same girl that bit me text my friend I had my arm around and it said "did you kiss him, I wanted to". This was really weird to me, as I don't hardly know the other girl and yeah just strange. This also says to me that she kept talking about church as she was just hitting on me thinking I would like her or kiss her, because I think she attends church.

On the way home we had to stop 3 or 4 times for a friend of mine to throw up on the side of the road. I cannot believe that I let myself do that before. I thank God I have moved past that point in my life, and pray for the people living in it right now.

I had fun with my friends, and learned a lot in one night, even though I've been to many parties, drinking and not drinking. This shows that we need to get out and meet the people where they are at as they are searching for something and they need Jesus. After all Jesus didn't hang out with just the righteous, but with the ones that really needed him.

Worst Run of The Year

So today, well yesterday the 28th, I had the worst run of my year. Here is why!

I took off, and barely moved as the wind was crazy today. I thought I was going backwards at first, but after the first little bit the wind wasn't too bad.

Next crappy thing to happen was, well you remember that snake I posted about in the falling apart post, well I saw his tale sticking out of his hole today on my way out. This means I thought about how I was going to cross that sidewalk from the point of passing it all the way until I got back to it, but luckily he was gone by the time I got back!

Right after I crossed the bridge on my way out, which is about the 4 minute mark on my 20 minute run the worst part hit me, and it hit hard! Well there is a problem with running too soon after you eat something, and this causes you to have to welll... poop. This was scary for me. I had to run the remainder of my jog worried that I was going to go in my pants. There are many random thoughts that came into my head such as, "if this happens, do I keep running and act like it didn't happen or stop hold the shorts so nothing falls out and walk?" or the "do I run to make ground faster and also speed things on the inside, or slow down to help the fight, which then takes more time until I get to the toilet", also the "I wish Aron was here, so I could sit and have him come pick me up", also the "How long 'till I have to lose all pride and knock on a door?" Lots of prayer also went into this jog, which normally does happen, but more than usual!

In the end, I thank the Lord for getting me through that struggle!

Falling Apart

Falls Apart by Thousand Foot Krutch

These past few days I really feel like I'm falling a part! Kinda funny, but scary stuff all at once! It starts last week when my brother said to me "ready to sleep 'till noon on Saturday?" I responded "nah I don't think I'm going to this week, it really messes me up when I sleep that late." Well guess what! I finally got out of bed and around at about 1 in the afternoon, which means I slept straight through noon o'clock.

Then that night guess what happened! I couldn't fall asleep, but had to be up and leaving for church at 7:20 to help set up. I woke up at 7:17, and we were out the door at 7:24. I hate that feeling of being late, but it worked out.

Last night as Aron and I were crossing the I-380 bridge on our way back to the house from our nightly run, I yell and high step and get awfully close to Aron. At this point he is wondering what the heck is going on, I continue to pick up pace a little for the next 10 - 15 seconds as I distance myself from what I saw. A big freakin' snake! If I only have one fear it's a snake. They creep me out like nothing else, and I've dealt with some spooky stuff in my time.

The next piece of me falling apart happened tonight as Aron and I were lounging on the couches watching some TV. I dosed off in an awkward position with my legs up on the arm of the chair and the rest of my body below them. I suddenly woke up, it was about 7:25 pm and I saw the clock and threw myself upright thinking to myself "Oh Crap! I'm late for work!". I thought it was 7:25 am, and as I threw myself upright my legs happened to fall asleep and they hit the floor with a loud THUD. Aron couldn't stop laughing as he saw my face and thought as I threw my legs down, that my whole body would follow onto the floor, but luckily that part didn't happen.

I'm hoping that this is all of me that is falling apart for now, and the rest of the week goes a lot more smoothly!

Iowa State Experience

So the following is a note I wrote on Facebook on Monday, September 10, 2007. I was sitting in Parks Library at Iowa State University while sipping coffee and reflecting on my college experience to that point:

My name is Adam Kolosik. I am from North English, Iowa. I am currently a freshman at Iowa State and am majoring in Engineering, but am currently Undeclared in that field. So far I love it here at Iowa State. I have partied many times and been drunk pretty much every time I go to a party. If you're still reading and think oh yes typical college student. Well sorry I try not to be. I have failed in my life so many times. Including every weekend I've been here in Ames. Don't get me wrong the party life is a fun one, but my life in high school without it was much better. In college I have way more opportunities to reach out, be part of something, and find some people that are more like me! In high school I had a lot of friends, but no one really like me. I go to parties, but I'm not a partier. I love Jesus Christ and he loves me. I have been disappointed many time in my life and I'm well prepared for that everywhere I go. No matter how many times I fail or fall Jesus still loves me, and no matter how many times I'm disappointed I've disappointed him more, but he forgives as I ask. He love unconditionally, yet as humans we only wish to love each other this way. I've drank, failed, cheated, stolen, lied, cursed, and treated girls terribly. I'm sorry for all of this. I wish to get back to the way I used to be and be on fire for Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior. He died on the cross for me, I hope I can live my life the best I possibly can for him. I will fail and I have many times before. He still loves. If you do not like me for who I've been I'm sorry, but the only thing I can do is try my best and change. My recent weeks couldn't be better described than the way Reliend K puts it in "Who I Am Hates Who I've been". If you understand any of this or have been through it, give me a message, maybe I can help or maybe you can help me. But as Christ says together with him we can do all things!


This post now is to say that I did not get right back on track after that post, but I eventually did, and have been on track for quite some time now. I still have struggles, but I have grown so much stronger through this with Christ's Love that carried me through. I started attending Heartland Assembly of God consistently and God just began to work over my heart and bring me back to him. I thank him so much for what he has done for me! Praise the Lord MY Father!